You’ll be relieved to know that I found my black pants.

They tried very hard not to be found, hiding in a part of my closet that I never look in. I know they were laughing at me when I emptied my drawers over and over again. But the last laugh was on them. I was too smart and they got careless.

I was taking out the garbage and obviously they thought I was leaving for the day so when I came back in and I heard them ordering pizza from Patsy’s, they were as good as caught.

This taught me an excellent lesson about Twitter. You Twitter people listen to everyone but me.

My niece Julie was raving on Twitter about her Bissell machine that cleans dog piss. She had no ulterior motive. She just has three dogs that love to pee and this machine she got changed her life and she wrote about it.

So what happens? Bissell reads her tweet and sends her a vacuum. Ab-so-lute-ly free.

I write a whole blog about how much I love my Eileen Fisher pants and how I spent money I didn’t have to buy them and what did Eileen Fisher do? Nada.

Forget giving me new pants, did they even send me a discount coupon to replace the ones I lost a little cheaper?

Well since the pants were so stupid I got them back anyway no thanks to you Ms Fisher.

I’d start writing about how sad it is that I still have an ipad 1 and an iphone 4  but there’s no point.

Is there sweet Apple?