376. I pride myself in getting the medical care of a serf

Does anyone get cataract surgery who isn’t old?

I’m pretty sure not so I’m going to tell everyone that I’m getting a nose job. What with people giving me seats on buses, that cataract thing is one more nail that I don’t want to hammer into my age coffin.

They tell me that I’m going to have to wear a clear patch on my eye for a week. I’ve decided that the way I’ll explain that is by saying that the doctor is afraid my unusually long eyelashes batting against my nose might negatively effect the healing of my new snoot.

I had to go to get a pre op exam at my regular doctor yesterday. You know, for my nose job.

You’d think he’d know by now not to ask me any personal questions because my answers are always lies but this guy just keeps forging on. It’s actually kind of cute.

“How often do you drink?”

“Maybe a small glass of sherry once a month to take my heart worm pill”

“Do you exercise regularly?”

“Well the winter has put a crick in my 10 mile, 3 times a week run. I’ve only been able to safely complete 8 miles at a time what with the ice and stuff but I have added 30 pull ups a day on my hall closet bar. Thanks to that, my guns are like steel.”


I figure that should keep him off my back until I do my other eye. Did I say “eye”?  I mean chin implants.

5 thoughts on “376. I pride myself in getting the medical care of a serf

  1. I think the chlorine in the water from all that swimming you’ve been doing has caused the cateracts to form at such an unusually young age.

  2. i
    just had my 2nd eye done. you only need to wear that plastic eyepatch the fiirst day & night. You can always carry a toy hook in your hand & say argh to people you see.

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