382. Cops and jerks.

Last night  I went to dinner with David and The Schwartzbergs. More about that later.

Just as I was about to leave I got a call from my real estate agent saying that the police had been called because the neighbors were furious that there was so much noise coming out of my Montauk house.


She suggested that I call my tenants and give them the riot act.

I don’t have their phone numbers but I emailed the sweet one this morning.

I'm so glad you seem to be having a great time.
I got a call yesterday from the real estate broker that the 
neighbors are going nuts and it appears that there was some 
police involvement.

Frankly I don't give a crap about the neighbors but 
it might be nice to tone it down a bit.


I hope that wasn’t too harsh.

I wouldn’t know my neighbors there if I fell over them but I have had a running conversation with the kid and I even heard from his mother so let’s see, who would I prefer had a good summer, a bunch of strangers or 6 or 8 fun loving twenty-somethings who gave me money? No contest. Let’em get ear plugs.

Now back to dinner.

I warned David that he must behave and not say anything that would make me cringe. He didn’t answer me but he clearly got the message and behaved beautifully.  Both Susan and Allan thought he was a real charmer.

This morning we were having coffee together and the subject came up of Sue and Al being vegetarians. Something this guy from Texas simply can’t understand.

He asked me if it was for their health that they didn’t eat meat. I said, yes but also humanitarian reasons.

“Humanitarian? ” another word he doesn’t recognize. “That’s ridiculous .”

“Why do you think I don’t eat pig?”

“I thought it was the Jewish thing.”

“It’s because they’re so smart. I’m hoping to eventually cut meat completely out of my diet.”.

“Now why would you do that? If we don’t support mass production of meat one third of the world would starve. Luckily it would be the third I don’t give a fuck about. ”

That, by the way, is exactly the kind of thinking I begged him to keep to himself while dining with my friends.

Now how do I get him to shut up around me?


3 thoughts on “382. Cops and jerks.

  1. Funny!!!! Just keep telling him to shut the fuck up every time he says something annoying. On the other hand, not a good idea……cause then there’d be no conversation at all. Look, your friends have to understand david is a nice guy, just a Republican guy who likes guns, eats meat and is from Texas! That is all that should be necessary. And, by the way, I like david. Just passed him in the lobby. He just had a big smile on his face. Bet I know why!!! C a r o l F r e d e t t e w w w . c a r o l f r e d e t t e . c o m

  2. As for the people renting your house, I’d casually email them once a week…say every Friday—beginning of the weekend, it would go something like this: “PLEASE Don’t forget to SHUT THE FUCK UP over the weekend. Be grateful you have my beautiful house to romp around in. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP ANNOYING THE NEIGHBORS!” You know, something subtle like that! C a r o l F r e d e t t e w w w . c a r o l f r e d e t t e . c o m

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