435. “You can catch more bees with honey” and other life lessons.

I know it seems as if I write about everything  but I don’t.

If it’s something that will hurt someone I love or will make them mad at me I let it lie.

I was explaining that to David this morning when he was encouraging me to write about something that had happened.

Naturally he took the high road.

“Why don’t you write about it, put it in your safe deposit box and if something happens to you, I’ll launch it.”

“David, you’re ignoring the whole “hurt someone” thing.”

“No I’m not. I’m extremely sensitive. In fact there’s a horrific animal story that I’ve never told you.”

Me: “There’s got to be more to this than you’re saying”

“Well Liz did say that if I ever let it slip to you that that would be it for me. I will say though if Liz ever leaves me, the first thing I”m going to do is tell it to you”

That’s my boy.

Last night David, our friend Andrea and I met for dinner. It was an interesting evening in WASPedness.

I’ve always said that I have no gift for small talk. Andrea is like Liz. She can chat it up with anyone. Actually David is like that too.

I sat there slurping my wine in silence while the two of them yapped and yapped. Andrea asking David about his business trip to one of the M states and if he had accomplished what he wanted. And David regaled her with crap about whatever while asking her about what she’s doing.

I suddenly realized what the secret to engaging people in conversation is. You have to be willing to listen to stuff you couldn’t care less about.

I may be wrong about this. Maybe these two were really interested in what they were saying.

As for me, My mind was wandering all over the place. I noticed that Andrea is still quite young and very attractive and I’m sure she is dating which reminded me of something that I had been mulling over for a few months, that pussy waxing thing. So when there was a lull in the conversation I asked her about it.

“Do you wax your hooch?”

You’d think I threw up on the table.

David started screaming at me “What the hell is the matter with you?”

“She doesn’t have to answer, for God’s sake. Chill why don’t you”

He had to know that this subject had to be more interesting than how many miles he’s logged”

I guess Andrea was as bored as I was because she had no trouble answering me even adding when David went to the men’s room, that she had been told that she “tasted like honey”

This little story shows why I both should and shouldn’t be invited to cocktail parties.


11 thoughts on “435. “You can catch more bees with honey” and other life lessons.

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