Here’s why Twitter is great.
You find out how crazy you are or you aren’t because you see that there are or aren’t others like yourself.
Like today I saw a tweet from Ricky Gervais. It was a sweet picture of his face next to his cat’s face and it said, “Don’t be fooled. She wants to bite my face off”
I can’t tell you what a relief that was to me.
Don’t get me wrong I love Elvis but I wasn’t lying when I said that I don’t get cats at all.
Remember the picture I posted yesterday? I’ll put it up again to remind you.
No one could ever say that that he isn’t adorable.
But here’s the truth. That little fluffy ball of cuteness hides a lot of weaponry.
See those cotton like feet? Buried inside them are needle like knives. Those kissable little lips hide teeth like razors. And he isn’t afraid to use any of them while purring up a storm.
Of course I’m just asking for it, I know. Why should I expect him to just stand by while I try to put on my socks? And typing this now? I might as well slap him in the face.
What? I decide to wear something with a drawstring? Or pull a blanket over me? I might as well cut my own hands with a knife if I’m going to live that dangerously. Luckily I don’t have to because the movement police are always watching.
I know that many people complain that cats ruin their furniture. Not me. I wait until he’s happily sharpening his nails on my couch to put on my shoes or drink a hot beverage. Wouldn’t want him to burn himself on his way to my throat.
If I had a dime for every time I say “ow” during the day I’d have enough money to afford all the band aids and tourniquets I’ll need to avoid a full transfusion.
When my niece Randy gave me Elvis she warned me to be careful that he doesn’t trip me while he winds himself around my feet when I walk. What she didn’t mention was that he’s only doing that to see if he’s left any part of ankles that don’t have open wounds on them. Something that would surely fill him with dismay and he’d be forced to rectify.
But don’t worry he’s not going anywhere. Mainly because he’s really smart and if he hears me planning to give him away he’ll finish me off before I get a chance to act.
Luckily he can’t read. At least I hope he can’t. What do you think?