748. Excuse me, I have a headache. Pass the leeches.

I don’t usually do this but I’m going to give you a test.

Question: What are the signs that show that you’re old?

If you say grey hair, wrinkles, moves a little slower you are only partially right. You’d get a B.

I’ll explain.

My family is in town.

My niece Cheryl and her co-author Claudia are doing a reading tomorrow night to celebrate the release of their book, “Elusion”, soon to be a motion picture at a theater near you.

Cheryl and Brian and their two girls, Sadie and Lily, and their dog Bert (don’t ask how Elvis is dealing with this) are all staying at my house which is why last night I made dinner and Julie and Violet came over so the cousins could all be together.

Now a little back story. Only Cheryl was supposed to come yesterday.  Brian and the girls were to come later. A huge snowstorm where they live in Annapolis forced them to come earlier.

I should note that a huge snowstorm in Maryland is 1 to 5 inches. In New York we wouldn’t even put coats on for that.

Since I wasn’t expecting them I didn’t clear the table where I was preparing my tax stuff .

During the evening Violet walked over to my calculator and said “What’s this? A receipt machine?”

Now she’s 10 so though I was a little surprised that she didn’t know what it was I wasn’t as shocked as I was when Sadie age 15 and Lily age 14 joined in with puzzlement written all over their faces.

“It’s a calculator”

Lily, “What do you use it for?”

“To add up numbers. Haven’t you ever seen a calculator before?”

“Not alone. Why wouldn’t you use your Iphone?”

It was if I had left a butter churn in the middle of the living room.

“Because I have a calculator.”

“Wait, I have to try this” Lily started to pick up the calculator and started to scream with laughter. “IT’S PLUGGED IN!” Her sister, cousin, aunt and parents joined in. It was a real laugh fest.

Even now I don’t know what was so fuckin’ funny.

But if your answer to the question on the test was “You  have a calculator, one connected to electricity” you got an A.

5 thoughts on “748. Excuse me, I have a headache. Pass the leeches.

  1. One of my coworkers mocked me the other day for using a calculator (and mine wasn’t even the kind you plug in). She said “why wouldn’t you just use Excel?”

  2. Yep still use the calculator and an abacus too! And oh yeah I use my “flip phone” to calculate my checking account (still use the paper recorder for that!) and the “flip phone” comes in handy when I need a flash light to go up the stairs after I get home from Happy Hour with my girl friends!

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