The phone rang just now. Caller ID said Bahamas. As you might remember I have a friend in the Bahamas, Captain Hugh.

He watched over our 31 foot sailboat about 15 years ago when we left it in the Bahamas for about a year. When I say watched over I mean he slept on it and entertained his friends in it. He also made sure it was safe from storms and renegades.

He must be in his 80’s or 90’s now and in very poor health but whenever a holiday comes around he calls to say hi and I send him some money via Western Union.

When I picked up the phone I have to admit that my first thought was that it was a member of his family informing me that he had passed on. He had long ago been too weak to travel to Freeport to pick up his money and I had been sending it in care of his nephew for the past 2 or 3 years.

But no it was my  man Hugh in his faint voice wishing me a Happy Mother’s Day.

That guy must have the most detailed calendar around. The fact that I am neither his mother nor a mother at all didn’t phase him a bit. I even expect to hear from him on National Soup Day.

Now to be fair dave got custody of the boat in the divorce. Doesn’t it stand to reason that he should get Captain Hugh too? That wouldn’t be in the Captain’s best interest though. When dave lived here, if he answered the phone when Hugh called and wished him a Merry Christmas or a Happy Groundhog day, dave would just give him a “back atcha” and hang up. He’d have to call 2 or 3 times until he got me and I’d ask how he’s doing (not so good Mattie) and could I send him something? ( That would be nice).

Fuck dave, Captain Hugh is mine and will remain mine.

My sister slept over last night because Violet was in a talent show.

Every time I spend time with someone who still has their husband I realize that being alone isn’t the worst thing in the world.

My phone is always on speaker so when my brother in law Paul made his morning call to Marcia I couldn’t help but hear.

His opening line was “You know how much I love my morning oatmeal”.

A look of concern came over her face because clearly she did. “What happened?”

I made the God damn oatmeal and I added all the stuff , raisins, sunflower seeds, applesauce but when I sat down to eat it it tasted like shit.

Somebody put fuckin’ peas in the bag of fuckin’ sunflower seeds. I had peas in my oatmeal.

Even when I liked dave I don’t think this would have gotten any more of a reaction from me than “So eat a bagel”

But not my sister who is the sweetest person in the family (which may be why she’s still married) .

She said “Honey, you’re so tired (remember they just got a puppy who keeps them up at night) or you’d never have thought that peas were sunflower seeds. My brother in law who’s kind of a hot head even when he’s not sleep deprived shouted “They’re both green!”

This went on for a little while longer while Paul tried to blame Marcia for the mishap since she bought the peas but I lost interest.

I just felt so happy that I only had myself to worry about now.

Gotta go, I just saw Elvis looking out the window. I think he may be depressed.