855. Crime and Punishment

I said I’d get back to you.

This was not easy on anyone. I had to wake up Ray at the crack of dawn and he likes to sleep in on a Monday. He was bleary eyed all day.



But since this was an emergency he knew he’d just have to deal with it.

I picked up Julie.

She told me that she was thinking of shaving her legs but she decided that if the case goes south, having hairy legs may make her less attractive in the slammer.

We made sure to get there early which gave us plenty of time to either go over our case or take the tour of the new i watch on our phones.

We were just getting to the part about being able to check yourself for rickets when a text came in from Dan.

“The defense calls Mattie Matthews”.

I will never get over how easily he’s taking this whole thing since his name is on all the documents. I guess that’s because he’s from Iowa .

I think the jails there are the kind Barney Fife used to be in charge of and he was only allowed one bullet so you only had to serpentine once to escape without getting shot

Not to be outdone, Julie answered “Sorry, Honey, got tired of waiting so we left but you’ll look great in orange.”

We finished up our video and used the rest of the time examining the other people waiting.

One girl came rushing in and she was wearing a neck brace.

”Why didn’t we think of that Jules?”

“Well if we did we’d be smarter at it. She really ought to slow down if she wants any sympathy” She went back to texting with Dan while I kept watching the people.

Then bent neck girl  took off her coat. She was wearing a thin spaghetti strap blouse with no bra.

In my mind I gave her a nod of appreciation.

Tits and wounds, that’s pulling out all the stops. I tip my hat to ye lady.

I looked over at Julie. She wasn’t even wearing lipstick and if there were tits under that hoodie you couldn’t tell by me.

Where have I gone wrong?

Then court began.

Much to our surprise the Landlord sent his lawyer. This made Julie really nervous. She started shaking so much that the homeless woman behind her leaned over to comfort her.

I was thinking “That neck brace looks pretty good to you now huh?”

Anyway I’m not going to drag this out. Julie was called up to the judge and even he couldn’t figure out what the lawyer was doing there.   The case went Julie’s way and the landlord even had to return the late fee.

Julie only had to be in cuffs for about a half hour  but that was for an outstanding warrant from 1994 for spitting in the subway.

They had to let her go because the arresting officer died.



6 thoughts on “855. Crime and Punishment

  1. i have been waiting for this update all day! ‘Tits and wounds’. I’ll have to remember that if I ever have to go to court. Except divorce court. There’s all kinds of crazy there.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s