I don’t know if this warrants a blog post but I believe I was put on this earth to teach and to learn. Or the reverse of that.
I was watching “Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee” and Julia Louis Dreyfus repeated something that her mother said which was “You always have to look forward to something”.
It can be, and usually is, something small. I love this idea.
For example I’m looking forward to going out to dinner with Susan, Allan and David tonight.
And after that I’m looking forward to my nephew fixing up my terrace.
Then on Sunday “The Real Housewives” (that’s when there are a lot of them)
Then going to visit Lizzie in Santa Fe.
I WROTE THIS YESTERDAY but I realized that it was too boring to consider a post so I left it.
I believe I am able to finish it today.
Let me start with the email I got from David this morning.
“Quite a night! Do you have any clear recollection?”
I had no idea what he was talking about. Let me think back.
Everyone was invited to my apartment for cocktails.
Susan begged me not to put out any snacks because she wants to save her appetite for dinner.
I’m no fool though. When you go to her house she has a spread like no one’s business and it’s always labor intensive. You feel like eating a turnip shaped like a camel? No problem she’s got it.
She thinks I’m going to throw down a bag of fritos and call it a day? No Ma’am.
I go right to Whole Foods and purchase a symphony of treats.
I tidy up the house, lay out my spread and await my guests.
David is the first to arrive.
We each have a cocktail. I’m thinking vodka because it puts me in a party mood and my party mood is perfection. Ask anyone.
Due to traffic, Sue and Al arrive about an hour later, still an hour before our reservation.
Sue arrives with a bottle of fancy wine. If I had listened to her about not fussing I would have looked like a real shit. Luckily I outsmarted her.
Drinks all around. We’re all talking and having a lovely time until it’s time to go to the restaurant. I am in full party mood.
One of the reasons that David and I can go out to eat together comfortably is that we always split the bill. I will admit that if he orders a bottle of wine he always pays for it because I say I only want a glass. I do end up drinking more than that but only because it’s there and he doesn’t seem to mind.
We get to the restaurant and I immediately ask the waiter to give Sue and Al one check and David and I another.
“Can’t be done” which became his mantra for the evening.
The guy was clearly annoyed with any question we asked. If I had had any feeling left in my body I would have given him a piece of my mind but I could see that David was seething after the guy said no to almost anything we wanted.
I wasn’t going to let him ruin our time.
The conversation was flowing. At one point David was trying to poke holes in my assertion that though some things are not my business, other things fall under the category of NOT not my business.
For example, his sex life is not my business but where he got his suit, though not truly my business, is also not NOT my business.
It was then that I realized that just because something isn’t my business, there is nothing wrong with a friend asking a personal question just for curiosity’s sake. The other person is free not to answer.
As for me, my life is an open book. Ask me a question and I’ll probably give you an answer. Especially in my “party mood”.
So I asked David and Allan what I guess is a personal question. Now how do I put this less offensively?
Okay here goes, if in their sexual repertoire, they include fellatio (that wasn’t the term I used but I’m trying to be scientific rather than prurient)
Man you’d think I asked them how much money they have in the bank.
David let it be known that I don’t know proper dinner time conversation while my good friend of almost 40 years, Susan was laughing and Al just shrugged it off and kept eating.
I think it’s a WASP thing that you can’t even ask a simple question.
“No one says you have to answer, geeez.”
“I don’t get any complaints”
“Of course you wouldn’t if you don’t do it. The only way you’d get complaints is if did it and you bit her. And anyway don’t be jumping all over me just because I was trying to take your minds off the shitty service.”
I do have a vague recollection of asking the waiter for the check while mumbling “you fucker” under my breath. I think it was under my breath.
For some reason Allan said that he would go get his car to drive us home even though the restaurant was only a block or two from my house.
David thought that was a good idea.
Any evening that ends with me and Susan hugging each other outside my building and saying how much we love each other is a raging success in my book.
For the first time in all the years I’ve known him, David waited to see if I could get my key in the door before he turned to his apartment.
So as I was saying yesterday, you have to look forward to things and this dinner with my friends delivered.
I just know that anytime with you has to be a hoot!
I like to think so;)
I seem to recall Mattie putting the “fellatio” question to the waiter as well!
I’m sure I didn’t.
It’s official Mattie. You have absolutely nothing to worry about if and when we ever go out to dinner. But do you have to bring dwheeler?
Love your blog Mattie! Don’t know why I finally felt compelled to post but I think the prurient word you intended to use was cunnilingus.
Shit Why didn’t I write what I actually said.
What I meant to say was thank you. I feel so stupid.
No I don’t have to and he rarely wants to eat with me but if he wants to come with me I always let him.
Now Liz relax, I didn’t mention your name. Oh wait, yes I did.