Months ago David told me that he finally met someone in Santa Fe that he really liked. You know a like minded person. He was a hunter and a bigot and just about everything that David admires in a man.
It seems that this guy no longer lives in Santa Fe but he and his wife are visiting New York and David has been spending every evening with them.
Last night Ray and I were checking out what was on the tube for later and trying to decide what to eat for dinner when David called.
“My friend and I are at Le Cirque having a drink. How about we come up and have a drink with you?”
“Sure” I knew Ray would be thrilled to see him.
Le Cirque is across the street from my house so I knew they’d be up in a few minutes.
I put some cheese and crackers out on the terrace and opened my front door so Ray could greet them when they came off the elevator. He loves to do that.
When they arrived I walked out to say hello.
“I understand you’re a Jew”
I know he was trying to be funny so I just smiled and said “Yes, that is true”
Then after David checking out that I had a suitable brand of scotch we all went out to the terrace.
We got on the subject of the Republican debate. I told them that I stopped listening when I heard one of them bring up Columbine.
“I don’t think people that try to block any kind of gun control bill have the right to say that word.”
David and his friend took issue with that. They both insisted the only way to make anyone safe is for everyone to be armed.
After that piece of brilliance I mostly listened to the two of them talking.
That is until one of them said that Obama will definitely go down as the worst President ever because he’s made the world a much more dangerous place.
Them’s fighting words to me. “Are you two nuts? George W. is the one who put us where we are today”
Then David’s friend looked at me sternly “George W. is a good friend of mine”
He was a guest in my home so I did what I always do when I don’t want to make waves, I backtracked like a mutha fucka.
“Well we were very pleased with him after 9/11 when he came to NY”
A while later he dropped some other bigwig’s name so I asked him how come he knew all these important people.
“Because I’m an important person”
“Ah, I see”
Now I could go through the whole conversation but let me give you some of the highlights. This guy made David look like a Democrat.
When telling me that his wife was a judge he added “I like smart women. I married two dumb ones before I found her.”
This putz actually got 3 wives and the “dumb one’s ” he talks about are the mothers of his children.
Liz once criticized me for assuming that all Texans use the N word because she knows lots of Texans and none of them do.
Well this guy didn’t get the memo.
“Those Kardayshians (his pronunciation) are they n words?”
“That one has one of those tractor seat asses”
When we briefly touched on the 14 year old boy that got arrested for making a clock because the teacher thought it was a bomb he offered this bit of wisdom.
“Todays clock maker is tomorrow’s bomb maker.”
All the time David was laughing hysterically at everything this guy said.
Consider this one of those evenings that goes on the “Glad He’s Leaving” list.