926. David Update

I know you’re all wondering what’s up with David.

How is he doing now that he and Liz are no longer together?

Is he fitting in well in Houston?

Are we still friends?

Will he ever get to drink any of the thousands of dollars of wine he left in my apartment for safe keeping until he can figure out a way to  get it to Houston ?

I’ll try to answer all your questions in this update.

Much to both our surprise we are still in contact. In fact we have cocktails together on the phone 4 or 5 times a week.

As far as fitting in, he admits that there is more of New York in him than he thought and in Houston  he’s almost a moderate.

He started dating pretty much as soon as he arrived. As he told me on the phone he has strict requirements as to who he’s going to take out.

He says she has to be educated and have some goals in life. She needs to be up to date on politics and history, his strong interests. She needs to be presentable and able to be an asset to him when they go on business dinners.

Just kidding. What he really told me is that she has to be blonde with big tits.

His first kind of date was a young lady he met at the bar of a restaurant, The Palm, near his house. Since she was clearly over the limit of alcohol he very kindly offered to take her back to his house so he could call an uber to take her home because everyone knows that you can’t call an uber from a restaurant.

This girl, according to David, had both of his dating requirements in spades which made him happy but her friend who insisted on coming along did not which made him less happy.

When they got to his house David did what any good samaritan would do with someone who was too drunk to drive, he opened a bottle of wine.

This, not surprisingly, bit him in the ass when the woman ran into the kitchen and threw up in the sink.

That’s when he called the Uber.

When he told me the story I said “You’re lucky she made it to the sink”.

“Well she missed a spot but I didn’t discover that until the next morning.”

In our discussion he let me know that he was no stranger to drunk women. He was once on a date who vomited on him and passed out.

Obviously this wasn’t a deal breaker because when he realized that he had no way to contact her for a second date he went over to her phone and called his own cell phone so he would have her number.

He’s also been seeing a woman that he seems to really like although he thinks she’s way too young for him.

She came over to watch the Super Bowl with him.

Unfortunately she passed out on his couch and when she woke up in the morning she too threw up.


There seems to be a theme in his dating life.

Since I wasn’t there to Jew up his parties, I saw the problem immediately.

“Did you serve her any food?”

“I had guacamole and chips.”

“That’s not food”

“I also had chicken wings but I forgot to serve them. Well that’s not entirely true.After she passed out on the couch I took them out and ate them”

“You’re going to be up to your ass in vomit if you don’t start feeding these women.”

“Note taken”

He says he’s going to take a break from these southern women. He’s going to visit an old girlfriend named Marie who lives in Pennsylvania next weekend. I hope she brings a tuna sandwich on her.

Anyway he’s doing well.

Did I cover everything?

Oh yeah, his expensive wine.

What do you think I’m drinking when we talk on the phone?



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