Because I seem so together but I’m really getting jittery with this whole Corona thing.
In fact seeing trump in the face mask factory wearing goggles and no mask made my “He’s such a schmuck” move on to “OMG this monster is responsible for getting us through this”.
I don’t know why this in particular did it. Maybe it’s the straw on the camel’s back thing but my growing anxiety made me do a face time with my wig picker who has come out of retirement because she’s afraid her nuts will storm the City.
(I think that’s what you call a run on sentence)
Anyway it was good talking to her and seeing her. I even got to see her cat and I let her see Debby.
In fact I felt such a personal connection that I was thinking of dropping my friend Susan and making her my best friend.
That is until she charged me 250 samonllians.
Susan is free and she doesn’t have a fuckin’ cat.
My shrink did give me some good ideas.
She said I should try to be more active so I picked up an apple core that I dropped on Tuesday.
She also advised me to eat healthy which I already do. Hello? Apple core?
She also told me not to dwell on the present but to think of things in the past that have given me pleasure.
That immediately brought to mind what I have always considered the perfect insult.
In an effort to cheer her up my sister Marcia mentioned to someone she knew slightly who was bemoaning her second divorce that our sister Iris had married her second husband and was very happy.
The woman asked Marcia “Does your sister look like you?”
“Yes” Marcia said.
“Well if she could get 2 husbands I can certainly get 3.”
Because when I was asked to remember something pleasant the first thing that came to mind was something mean I may need this moment of Zen more than you do.