190. Sometimes being a tattle tale feels really good.

Something interesting happened today.

For the first time since dave left he and I worked together on something and we were even exchanging a few personal sentences.
I felt that he had my back, even kind of protecting me from myself.

It wasn’t anything important, just the accountant’s bill but the dave I remembered was creeping in.

Can we ever become friends?

Probably not.

I do know, however, that I have to make an effort to remember to be angry or not to worry about him.

Fortunately I have a shitload of friends and family that are happy to remind me of why he doesn’t deserve my good thoughts.

I was just about to repeat that it’s much easier for me when he’s behaving badly when I remembered that that would be almost a direct quote from one of the women on “Mob Wives” from last night’s show except I think she snuck a “fuckin'” in there.

Oh and her husband was in prison and even there he cheated on her.

Miss Liz is back.

Rupe was ecstatic. When she picked him up he just rested his head on her chest and sighed.

We all had dinner together and David pretended that he had been nice the whole time Liz was away but he couldn’t fool her.

She was particularly angry about his gestapo impersonation which at first he denied but later mumbled something about it being my fault.

I went home before hearing him explain that one. It was enough that I heard him get yelled at while I sat innocently by.

189. When’s the last time you thought the gestapo was at your door?

Miss Liz is coming back from Santa Fe tonight.

I’m so happy. I really missed her.

It’s about time too. David will need to be whipped back into shape and she’s the one who can do it.

He hasn’t seen Rupert practically at all since she left or as he says, “Only when I’m getting in the elevator and he runs out of your house, barking and trying to bite me”

He’s also taken up the very sensitive method of contacting me by banging on my door and screaming in german.
There isn’t a nazi reference that he doesn’t jump into with both feet.
Now that he lives down the hall from one of the few Jews he is on speaking terms with he must be thrilled that he can put them to good use.

He does have his sensitive side too.

To explain why he didn’t answer the email I sent him yesterday, he said his phone is acting weird and he didn’t get it until just now.

“After all,” he said “You know if I had gotten it I never would have ignored you. I would have sent you some insult in return.”

188 Odd, odder, crazy, nuts

The french lady down the hall wanted me to meet her mother who is visiting from, I guess, France. When introduced, her mother said “Enchante”

That beat out my “pleased ta meetcha” by a mile.

I think I’m going to be saying that french thing from now on.

I haven’t had much to say in the past few days because no one would find my going to the dentist very interesting even though I actually tried to talk him into looking at my teeth without touching them.
Now that I think of it, that might just be one more nail in my crazy coffin.

I was talking to Julie about a fabulous present that Stephanie is giving to her husband for their anniversary. I can’t tell you what it is because he won’t get it until tomorrow and you all know how mean Stephanie can be if you screw something up that she has planned.

Julie was asking me when was the last time I got a present that absolutely floored me. I thought for awhile and then I remembered that many years ago we had company for dinner and Dave (he was capital ‘D’ then) passed a box with a necklace in it down to me. It was beautiful and he picked it out himself. I was so proud in front of my friends.

Julie said “Was that the time with the tube socks?”

That brought to mind the most awkward gift exchange ever.

It was before we were married. dave was working for James Brown and he had what, at that time, was plenty of money.

He bought me diamond studs for Christmas. I knew I was getting them so I decided to make a Christmas Eve party so he could present them with a flourish. Even now I say “What was I thinking?”.

But it gets worse. I figured how would it look for dave to give me such a fabulous present with no one else receiving gifts?

So I bought gifts for all my guests. Tube socks for the boys and jacks for the girls.

The party was pretty lousy to begin with.

Everyone was just sitting around not talking that much.

At about 10 p.m. I realized that these people weren’t going to hang around until midnight for the holiday to begin so I decided to announce the opening of the presents.

Everyone started opening their lame-o gifts while I, the hostess, opened my diamond earrings and showed them around for everyone to ooh and aah about.

One more aspect I never even thought of was that once 2 guys opened their identically wrapped tube socks, the mystery was pretty much gone for the others.

I still remember my friend Cynthia, slumped on my couch wearing sunglasses, looking over at the girl across from her opening up her jacks, and just throwing her package on the coffee table unopened.

My friends were not badly brought up. I’m sure they thanked me for the gifts. I only wish I could remember what they said after thank you?

“How’d you know I needed socks without heels?”

187. Here’s why I’m beneath contempt

When Lisa, my agent, asked me if I was angry at dave, I had to stop and think.

I know I feel sad. I know I am scared about the future but angry? uh uh.

I am starting to get a little angry at myself for this.

Bills have been piling up.

Even though money has been coming in it’s not enough to keep up.

In the past I would take money out of what my father left me to make up the difference but all the liquidity of that is gone.

I finally asked dave for money. He had just finished an album.

He immediately arranged for it to go to me.
I was able to pay most of what we owed.

Instead of making me happy it made me sad. I’m even crying now while I write this.

I know he needs money but he didn’t hesitate to send it to me.

It’s so much easier when he’s thoughtless.

Now I know that I’m going to get a bunch of comments saying that it’s because I’m nice, except for Stephanie who will be disgusted with me. (Although even she said a few weeks ago that she’s realizing that she’s feeling the loss of uncle dave too.)

And she’s right. There’s nice and there’s martyr like.

When I think of him needing money it breaks my heart but then I must remember that he needs money for her too.
He’s the one who told her to quit her job so she could spend more time with him. I have to keep remembering things like that.

It’s almost a year. Why am I not over this? The longer it is, the more I remember his good sides. The bad stuff fades unless I force myself to remember it.

Mostly I feel good but every once in awhile I get these setbacks.

Okay, my sister and Julie just called and made me feel better. I’m not sad any more.