I have decided to have a different personality.
Here’s what writing down everything that happens in your life does to you. It makes you see how stupid you are.
I’ve been talking about all this pension stuff and the emails going back and forth. Even though each email is costing me money because my lawyer charges me, I really want it finished so I’m accepting it.
I also felt that maybe the worst of it was over with dave. I was less angry and even feeling sorry for him. I actually spent time talking to my accountant and lawyer in an effort to save him from serious financial penalties. I was thinking that maybe in some distant future we could be friendly if not friends.
Two things happened yesterday that made me realize the impossibility of that..
Number one, dave was snotty to me and number two, at around 2 in the afternoon (2 in the morning to him) he said he had to go to bed and he’d get back to us in the morning.
I immediately pictured him getting into bed with this stranger and I felt a pang. I wonder if he told her to “scoot over” to make room for him like he did to me when he came to bed late.
I am clearly not over this. I forget sometimes that I’m mad so I slip back into my old persona but the new me is not going to let that happen any more.
I’m not going to say that I will stay mad, that would only hurt me. I will just have no contact with or about dave that isn’t necessary to my life.
I won’t even write about him unless he’s arrested for something interesting like murder or drunk and disorderly or some kind of cross dressing offense.
Wait, I can’t totally eliminate using him to make a point in a story so I guess I will still write about him. I just won’t talk to him or look at him or think about him.
I”m going to think exclusively about puppies.
Anything to rid my mind of the image of the video of that big fat yellow snake that can open doors and slam it’s body into the room to the words of “good job” from it’s owner.
And I don’t want to think about dave either.