907. A guest from the deep south

David has been gone for almost a month now.

I haven’t had a chance to miss him because 1. I went to Italy and 2. My family was here from Israel and 3. I talk to him almost every day sometimes more.

At first it was just to discuss how he was doing and then every once in awhile we would have cocktails together on the phone.

Then there were the phone calls for me to help him do something long distance that if he were here he’d get me to do for him.

For example, putting the duvet cover on his quilt.

I gave him detailed instructions, even offering to make a diagram and scan it.

He called me the next day only to tell me that I didn’t know what I was talking about and that fortunately he had found someone who did.

His next door neighbor, an older woman, happened to be outside watering her flowers and hanging up her KKK outfit to dry when he struck up a conversation with her and he mentioned his problem with the duvet cover.

She immediately came over and did it for him in two shakes of a  lamb’s tail.

Fortunately he had just gotten his bed skirt delivered so she was able to help him do that too.

Good luck lady. In a week or two you’ll be cutting his toenails.

Although David said she can’t take my place yet mainly because his new Mattie agrees with everything he says.

“I don’t even know no liberals” She told him.

The fact that he can’t find anyone to argue with is really getting him down.

When I told him about cooking for my whole family and how much they loved it he tried to be his usual mean self.

“Did anyone ask for seconds or did they just push the food around their plates?”

“That’s kind of a weak insult. You don’t seem like yourself”

“I know. I’ll do better. I know I can. After all I don’t want you to feel like I’ve left you emotionally as well as geographically”

He’s coming to NYC tomorrow on business and as he says, he’s going to “squeeze me in for cocktails before he goes to dinner with someone he likes better”.

Just thinking about coming to a City that isn’t voting on whether it should be in the Constitution that a man can hunt and fish whenever he wants and that there should be a third bathroom for gays and transgender people is sharpening him up.

Yeah he’ll be okay.

5 thoughts on “907. A guest from the deep south

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