58. Not now, I’m knitting a sweater for a spider.

I came home a day early from Montauk. Not that I wasn’t having a good time because I was. I love to be with Susan and Allan. I guess I just missed Rupert.

This twitter thing is driving me nuts. Everytime I get an email saying that someone is following me I want to say “Don’t bother, follow my blog instead”

I’m not sure what goes on what. My seeing Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts and their kids in the health food store and noticing that they really like each other is a no brainer, tweet.

Some things, like that are obvious like my happiness at Liz’s father doing well. That’s a tweet. The fact that now he has no excuse to not write me a blow by blow of things like his trip to Iran to give the Shah’s family facelifts?  Blog

The fact that my nephew Jacob is a great pitcher and saved a baseball game for his team? Tweet. But my intention to hold him to taking me to Yankee stadium, when he’s a Yankee since I’ve never been to Yankee Stadium? Blog

The spider in my bathtub.Tweet

My catching the spider with a paper towel and putting him outside might be a tweet also BUT my lying awake all night worrying if he was indeed an outside spider and might freeze to death definitely falls in the blog category.

As my sister frequently tells me, you wouldn’t want to be in my head.

57. Say I want another drink without anyone giving me the stinkeye?

So I went on twitter.

Some things about it I get. I saw a picture of a cat pulling a toy from room to room. I liked that.

I read an article by David Pogue that was very useful plus I know him personally (although when I saw him in the street it was news to him) and he’s the sweetest kindest guy (aside from his lousy memory).

You make contact with people that read your blog. I like that.

What I don’t like. 1. It’s addictive. 2. I only have a limited amount of creativity and I save it for my blog. 3. It’s addictive. 4. I’m scared that if I don’t write more often twittles, or whatever they’re called, will be mad at me. 5. It’s addictive

I’m going to Montauk today.

I have good friends who will be out there in their own house.

I will be staying in my house alone. They always ask me to stay with them but I can’t do that. I do get a little scared but that’s one of the things I’ll have to get used to.

Another thing is being a woman alone with a couple.

I’ve been in that position before but only when dave was on tour so it was a temporary thing. At that time I never minded if the other man paid for me. dave always paid for any female friend that ate with us. But this is different.

This is a permanent situation. I must always insist on paying for myself in order to feel like an entity. I’m not sure that’s the right word but it feels right to me.

There are so many little kinks to my situation that I never thought of.

But I’m learning.

56. Blood is thicker than water unless blood never calls home if water doesn’t nag him to.

A few months ago I asked dave if I could use the mileage on the American Express card to go on my trip with my sister. He said yes.

Now that I’m booking the trip I wanted to call Amex to retrieve the miles.

dave is the primary on this card (more about this later) I wanted to get any information I might need to tell the credit card people before I called.

Since dave is in Japan screwing his brains out I figured I’d get a faster response if I write to his sister, Judy, and ask her for their mother’s birth date.

I sent her an email requesting this information and in the subject I wrote “Hi Sweetie”.

It says a lot about my personality that she was afraid to open it because she thought it was a virus or something and she sent me an immediate email asking if it was from me.

I assured her it was and told her that I needed the information to contact Amex.

About a half hour passed and I didn’t hear from her. Then I told her it was for a trip with my sister. Still nothing

In the meantime I sent an email to dave asking the same question.

Then I wrote another email to Judy saying that I wasn’t doing anything that dave didn’t know about.

In the meantime I looked around to see if I had the information.It turned out that it was in the family tree in dave’s baby book.

Then I got an email from Judy with her mother’s birth date in it.

At first I was kind of mad but then I realized that no matter how close we’ve always been, he’s her brother and she probably didn’t want to do anything that might hurt him. I loved her for that. I would have done the same thing.

Now as for the credit cards. Since I handled everything dealing with money in our family, the fact that dave is the primary on most of our credit cards is my doing. I don’t know why I did that, I just did it. I can’t tell you how many times I’d have to wake dave out of a sound sleep to mumble “I agree” when I’d want to change something on a credit card.

Take my advice ladies, even if your husband isn’t a sleazy shithead (or you think he isn’t) put some credit cards in your own name.

By the way, dave finally sent me his mother’s birth date and according to him she was 4 years old when he was born.

54. I’ve always heard that if you break a promise you go to hell

Last night I went to my darling Julie’s reading at “Word” in Brooklyn. She was beautiful and funny and lots of people showed up including some surprises for me.

I’ve always wondered who is reading my blog. I actually thought that no one outside my family would find it interesting.

Can you imagine my shock when 2 very pretty young women came up to me. They were seemingly sane and had been following my blog.

They encouraged me to sign up for twitter which I did under the name 67anddumped ( I’m wondering how long I’m going to want to be known by that moniker. This dumping thing isn’t my finest hour.)

Anyway I started on twitter. I don’t really know how to answer anyone yet but Liz says she’ll teach me tonight.

I should note that both girls promised to say that in person I’m quite thin.

53. If a hot dog is always a hot dog, what’s the point?

I decided to stop writing about my dreams.

They are so obvious anyway that it’s like reprinting my blog.

Besides Julie always says that when people tell her their dreams she wants to say

“Is this about Julie?  Will it effect Julie in any way?  Then keep it to yourself!”

Instead I’ll talk about Liz’s boyfriend David.

He came back from his business trip last night. This morning I saw him by the elevator and asked how it went.

He said  “It was great. I was with my people.  I met with this guy from blah blah blah (the blah’s are mine because who remembers). The first hour of the meeting all we talked about were guns. Later on one of the guys at the meeting said “When we’re finished we’re going to the ballet” . So I said “Does this ballet have a pole in it?” and the guy said “Bingo”

I think by ‘his people’ he means misogynist dopes.

52.I haven’t used the word ‘slut’ for a long time. I may be cured.

Another bad dream last night. I was walking Rupert and I lost him. When I found him his carriage was broken and I had a lot of trouble carrying him home. (I erased this last  sentence 3 times and rewrote it. I didn’t want you people to know that I am one of those nuts with a dog in a carriage. But he isn’t my dog, he’s Liz’s. AND I ONLY PUT HIM IN THE CARRIAGE WHEN I’M IN A HURRY. Of course I did buy the carriage)

I used to think that it would be easier and less embarrassing if dave had died but I realize that isn’t so.

If before this had all happened I became a widow, I would have been devastated. I used to be so afraid that something would happen to him that I’d freeze if he said he thought he had any illness other than a cold. I would truly have no happy moments if I lost him like that.

With the situation the way it is, I have some panics and some sad moments but I have many more times where I am doing something fun that I’ve never done before. I realize I have to find a life for myself so I am constantly pushing off bad feelings.

I keep reminding myself what dave is probably doing right now and it jolts me into making the best of things.

And besides, I made reservations for my sister and I to go to Spain. So Hasta manana!

51. A train going through a tunnel. What could that mean?

The night before last my niece Stephanie came down to visit with Cheryl who is up from Annapolis.

Now these two girls couldn’t be more different.

Cheryl sees the glass half full. Steph sees it half empty with a rat in it.

 

Cheryl is a people pleaser. Steph, not so much.

Cheryl takes every opportunity to tell her husband and children how much she loves them and how great they are.

Steph brags about what a talented architect her husband is but won’t tell him because if she does he’ll get  “all full of himself”.

It also annoys her that he wakes up happy every day.  “Hear that? It’s him whistling”

The only similarity is that they both way underestimate how good looking they are. Cheryl tries to buy her entire wardrobe in Target and even though she is built like a movie star she wears her clothes so big you’d never know it.

When Steph said she was coming down she asked if she absolutely had to take a shower. If you tell her she’s beautiful she gives you an annoyed look and begins to tell you all her flaws

Now these two really like each other. Stephanie has said if Cheryl lived closer she’d make her her best friend and not just because she can make her do whatever she wants.

Another thing they both agree on is that I’m not being mean enough to dave.

Stephanie is afraid I’ll take him back and the whole family will be forced to be nice to him.

She also thinks I should join a divorce group to work out what I’m really feeling so I can hate him properly.

The thought of that makes me sick. The idea of listening to a bunch of losers whine about how they did everything right and their husband/wife did everything wrong sound like torture. (Hey!  That’s what you people are doing. Forget I said that)

Cheryl just wants to beat the crap out of him. There is a little iron under that people pleaser facade.

Last night I was out to dinner with Cheryl and Liz.

I had been feeling pretty good since dave left.

During dinner I got an email from him saying that he had wanted to update his web page. “I think there’s a pink post-it on my computer. I know the password but I can’t remember the user name.  Could you do me a solid? thanks, dave”

I wrote back that Cheryl, Liz and I were at Isle of Capri and I’d check when I got home.

“What are you doing?” both girls said almost at once. “You don’t have to answer him as soon as he asks. You don’t have to answer him at all”

I knew why I did though. This was his favorite restaurant and he loved both girls. Even though I swear I don’t want him back, I want him to see what he’s missing. (even I know how lame that sounds)

Anyway last night I had a bad dream that I lost my car months ago and I was nervous about telling my father that  I had parked it in a bad neighborhood and I hadn’t told anyone that it was missing.

Oh Freud!!

50. they’re on the phone with their sponsors now.

I was just listening to my niece, Julie’s interview on the Brian Lehrer show. She was discussing a very serious topic, dogs in shelters.

In the midst of this interview a throw away line, the title of this post about her dogs who had been housebroken for weeks but just peed on the floor losing their 30 day chips, made me burst out laughing.

She was this way since she was a kid. She sees the world like no one else and is constantly cracking herself up. If you’re lucky you hear the things she mumbles under her breath so you can laugh too.

In fact if I were to be honest if she had never gotten married I think I wouldn’t be separated now.

Before Julie met Paul, while she was “finding herself” she spent alot of time with me and dave. In fact we always celebrated our anniversary and valentines day together. I remember going into a fancy restaurant and Julie requesting a romantic table for 3 in the corner. There’s a lot about this period in her life in her book “Please Excuse My Daughter”

In her twisted mind once she married Paul she felt that he would want valentine’s day to be just the two of them so she no longer spent that holiday with us and without her we never made much of it either.

Now I’m not blaming her but if dave had those dinners with Julie to look forward to, he might not have had a wandering eye.

Nuff said.

49 If it looks like a duck it could be a carrot

My niece (daughter) Cheryl is visiting me. She usually takes the train up from Annapolis but this time she chose another means of transportation.

While looking on the internet she realized that she could take the bus for $20. Hard to believe huh? With gas at over $4.00 a gallon.

After dropping her off, her husband, my sweet boy Brian, called me up to let me know she was on  her way. He seemed a little concerned. He said the terminal didn’t look so nice (it turns out it was a homeless shelter). But he said more brightly, almost as if to reassure himself, the bus itself looked great.

I got 2 emails from her

One said “The bus is called the Happiness 2 and everyone on it is Asian. The good part is I’m perfecting my accent”

The other said  “Do you think on the Acela the driver has headphones on, steers with garden gloves and keeps a roll of toilet paper on the dashboard to blow his nose?”

On one hand I say this wasn’t such a good idea.

On the other hand, TWENTY BUCKS!